I wish I could train my mind not to think, I really do. I'm working on it...I'm working on making my mind work 'for me' instead of against me. This is (no pun intended), a mind-boggling task! The mind wants me to be messed up...it likes it when I'm in pain, and it will take any and every opportunity to take me there. It likes to take me into victimhood and uses almost any situation to remind me how I haven't come very far at all in rising to 'warrior' status... Tonight, for instance, I just wanted to do some updating on my B&B web site, and the software I need to do this work has disappeared. Ok, I'm sure it disappeared when I 'upgraded' the browser, but now not only can I not find the toolbar where the software once stood boldly (or should that be boldly stood), I can't find the software either. So of course this makes it necessary for me to ask for this information from the person who once handled the updating of the web site, the person who's no longer around to handle anything anymore. So my mind suddenly wants to know, why is this fair? Why do I have to do everything?! If I were smarter I'd figure it out... I'll never be able to manage on my own... Why is this happening to me? Etc. Etc. Etc. All mind games to take me to a place where I'm trying so very hard not to go... Down there... And there's so much more, but this is enough whining and ranting for one night... The last time I had a rant like this, it led me to a dark dark place, and I really don't want to go back there...so, maybe I've talked my mind out of it... I hope so...

Ok, so what has happened lately in my life that's been good? Today I hosted a friend's baby shower, and it was wonderful to have people in the house again. Laughter and conversation and food. It made for a wonderful afternoon. Last week I got to connect with a couple of friends I haven't seen in a while, and that was wonderful, too. Just getting away, enjoying the drive, listening to books on tape, being with people who love me--it was great. I felt (almost) like 'myself' for a couple of days. Tomorrow I'm going to St. Louis to stay with my young friends there, and see their new baby, always an enjoyable time. Another little getaway on the road.

So in the words of St. Julian, 'all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well...'